Lisa Liggins-Chambers says disagreement and discomfort alone do not prove a relationship is toxic. She urges readers to consider context, boundaries and their own role in conflict.
Psychologist Lisa Liggins-Chambers, Ph.D., cautions against using the word “toxic” for every difficult interaction or relationship. In an October 5 Psychology Today column, she writes that disagreement, conflict and discomfort alone do not show that a relationship is harmful.
Liggins-Chambers says social media has made psychological language more widely known but can encourage people to use terms without considering context. Past experiences may shape how someone interprets another person’s actions. Behaviour that looks controlling, distant or distrustful can sometimes be related to trauma, she writes.
Understanding a possible background does not excuse behaviour that harms someone or remove accountability. People can still set boundaries and consider how the behaviour affects them. But the author also cautions against ending a relationship hastily just because it feels uncomfortable.
Conflict and disagreement are part of many relationships. Liggins-Chambers says communication, accepting criticism, apologising and trying to repair a relationship can matter alongside recognising harmful patterns.
Social-media advice such as “protect your peace,” “cut-off culture” and “no-contact” can be useful when people need safety or firm boundaries, she writes. But she cautions against applying those approaches to every argument or disappointment. Discomfort, the column says, is not by itself proof of toxic behaviour.