Which adult child takes on day-to-day care for an aging parent depends on more than family affection. Distance, work and other responsibilities shape availability, while research on parental favoritism shows how complicated these relationships can be.
When parents grow older, familiar family roles can shift. One adult child may call every day or accompany a parent to medical appointments, while siblings take a smaller role. But the frequency of visits alone cannot fully measure a relationship or the strength of a child’s attachment.
Who handles daily care is shaped by distance, employment, personal responsibilities and available time. A child may feel deeply attached but live far away. Another may be nearby despite having a difficult relationship with the parent.
The Within-Family Differences Study, led by Purdue University sociologist Jill Suitor, examines relationships between parents and adult children, including how families choose caregivers in later life. One peer-reviewed analysis in the research program examined 725 adult children in 309 families. It found an association between perceived maternal favoritism and psychological well-being, including depressive symptoms; that association does not prove favoritism itself causes depression.
Researchers have also found that similarity in values and support provided to parents can shape parental preferences. Adult children, however, do not always accurately know whom a parent feels closest to or would choose as a caregiver. A child’s sense of unfairness can therefore differ from the parent’s own view.
Caregiving often brings mixed feelings: affection can coexist with fatigue and frustration, particularly when responsibilities are unevenly shared. Families have to negotiate tasks alongside work and other demands. Discussing each person’s needs and practical limits can help them avoid reducing a complicated family history to a count of visits.